Issue date: 10/14/04 Section: Opinion

It was the night after a big Red Sox series win and if there was ever a perfect time to throw a great party, it was then.

My roommates and I picked up a keg, invited great looking girls and our close friends and put every dirty, sexual club song onto our Ipod.

You know what happens when you mix alcohol, attractive people and club music; infamous random hook-ups and cockblocks. That's what makes a party, but it would be incomplete without a few individuals that are always present at a party.

The first group shows up and they bring along the crazy Irishmen. Everyone knows that in order to have an enjoyable and successful party, someone must bring along a kid that came straight from Ireland.

Reason being, he'll provide great entertainment and will drink every skunked beer in your refrigerator, because after all alcohol is alcohol.

By now the party is really starting and almost everyone has arrived, however, there is still one thing missing. No one is quite sure what it is, until suddenly the doorbell rings. Up the stairs comes a gorgeous freshman filet mignon steak, which creates quite a stir among the cannibals.

Every guy hungrily stares at the 5'3", one hundred and twenty pound body like prison inmates that just caught their first glimpse of the new white guy named "Nancy."

Every guy is planning their move and finally someone approaches her while she's dancing alone in the corner.

Although she seems to be a nice girl, she immediately becomes the daughter of Satan and storms off into the other room.

Every guy in the room knows what has just happened and she now becomes the most hated person at the party.

Just so all of you ladies know, no one likes the "I'm intimidated by my controlling boyfriend" girl.

As the party begins to get out of hand, this is when the random people off the street begin pouring in. By now the keg is nearly finished, but people still want to party and have a good time.

Unfortunately this cannot happen when the non-invited assholes decide to crash the party.

If you have been to a party around the city, you know exactly who this guy is. He's the one who comes with two other friends and thinks he can take on the other 20 guys at the party.

Luckily he was wearing a Red Sox hat, because if he were a Yankee I was going to have to put on my "Jeter Blows A-Rod" T-shirt and give him a good beating.

Just like the "I'm intimidated by my controlling boyfriend" girl, everyone especially hates the "hey, I've got a six pack can I come in?" guy.

Finally the night came to an end and it was a very successful event. Now, what makes the night a complete success is not the people who made an appearance, but the fact that our utility and cable bills have been paid.

Thanks to all who paid five dollars at the door!

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