Issue date: 10/20/04 Section: Opinion

Dear Red Sox,

We've been together for a while now and I think we need to talk. You know, we need to push this to another level. We need to spice up our love life.

Don't get me wrong I truly love you, I think you're, like, great and stuff but to be honest I'm starting to get bored. To be blunt: We need to do it. I am sick of this waiting around nonsense.

You've been courting me for what, 86 years? Enough already let's get it on. Clearly we're very in love with each other and I don't think we have to worry about us leaving the other.

We need more of each other. The make out sessions and seven minutes in heaven are ok, but what are we in seventh grade?

I am tired of making out in the backseat of your mom's car let's get a room and do this already. I'm sick of my friends making fun of me and telling me about how great it is. Anaheim said it was thrilling and that we should use something called Thundersticks?

I'm not enthusiastic about it but we can talk about it. Then again Anaheim also said that they liked to use monkeys as well (must be a California thing). Florida said it was the first time was great but the second time was even better.

Arizona wishes it waited and said that only fools rush in.

That prick in New York keeps heckling me about how great it is and that I'm a loser and I'll never get laid. Now my next-door neighbor, the Patriots, have been really flirty lately and I'm a little worried I must say.

The other night we were at a party together and she put something in my drink. I'm not really sure what happened but I felt good in the morning.

I must say though you are much better looking Sox. Your hair is just amazing and your attitude, I love it.

I'm telling you though we need to get this over with now. Everyone else has done it so why not us?
Love,
Garrett


A few tid bits...

Two teams (out of a possible 230) in the history of professional sports have come from being down 3-0 in a best of 7 series and won. The 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs defeated the Detroit Red Wings in the Stanley Cup Finals. In the second round of the 1975 Stanley Cup Playoffs the New York Islanders defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins.

In Game Five 35 players had 25 hits for 9 runs. There were 30 runners left on base.

The 14 pitchers used threw a combined 481 pitches.

All of this was done over the course of 14 innings in what was the greatest game played at Fenway since Game 6 of the 1975 World Series.

Despite what you, your friends and everyone on WEEI says, there is no such thing as a "clutch player."

You can't prove it statistically, even David Ortiz has said that.

How very Jamesian of him.

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